You took my innocence, you took my innocence, screaming you took my innocence you coward! I didn’t ask for your hands to touch my skin, I didn’t ask for your hands to touch my skin! No one deserves to be raped, no one deserves to be raped, no one! For years I lived in a mental prison blaming myself for something you did afraid to tell anyone so ashamed. I remember being in relationships but not feeling loved and not being able to love back. Always pushing those who truly loved me away ending up alone. I created a brick wall, this was my way of not allowing anyone to hurt me like you hurt me.
I didn’t want to date anyone that reminded me of you so I dated outside my race. For years I sheltered my children afraid for them, knowing someone out there could do to them what you did to me. Yes I sheltered my children, sometimes smothering them, but this was my way of keeping them safe. I could never forgive myself if something like this happened to my children . As years passed I found solace in writing, I was able to express on paper what I couldn’t speak about, it helped me to overcome what you did to me so many years ago. I broke out of the mental prison I was in by forgiving you. I overcame your hold, I overcame the guilt I felt for years, I was able to love again, I was able to do all the things you thought I couldn’t do. I realized I was not to blame, I was never guilty of your actions.
I wrote this blog with tears falling from my eyes because I felt like I was reliving that moment again, but this time with no sadness but joy because I survived to tell my story hoping it helps someone else who has went through abuse. Please, please, please, realize as a victim you are not to blame so never feel guilty! When you forgive you release the hold that individual has over your life. My favorite poem is “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by Maya Angelou. This poem helped me tremendously I became victorious and didn’t let the circumstances around me take control of my life. I am so thankful that I am free from his hold, no longer bound by his actions, I AM FREE!!
I am a black woman that is married to a hispanic man, and my children are biracial. I see nothing wrong with this but some people do. Why does my relationship bother them? It shouldn’t but it does. Most people feel that you shouldn’t date outside your race but love is not close minded. Close minded individuals are afraid of change they live in fear of things that go against what “they” view as right. Love doesn’t see color and if he, she, them, or they, think it does something is wrong.
Some people think that having children that are biracial is wrong because the kids won’t have a normal life, what is normal to them? They say the kids will be called names, the kids will be shunned in public for looking different, the kids will be confused on who they are……HA HA HA I laugh at ignorance.
I raised my children to love everyone no matter the color and don’t be judgmental of others. Let me ask you these questions; Have you ever dated outside your race? Would you date outside your race? Do you see anything wrong with someone dating outside their race?
It shouldn’t matter who you date or marry as long as you are happy. Don’t let anyone stop you from being with the person you want to be with. I remember I was in a relationship with someone (not naming names) and he was a business owner, he couldn’t be with me in public because he would lose business from his white customers because he was dating a black woman. I’m not trying to be in a secret relationship so when he told me this I quickly ended the relationship because I refused to be hidden.
I am so thankful for my family, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. You can’t help who you fall in love with and no one should stop you from being in a relationship with someone you love based on their skin color, be with who brings out the best in you and makes you happy.
As I walked around the MLK memorial tears began to fall from my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was actually there! I was standing outside Ebenezer Baptist Church, a church that Dr. King once preached in, I was viewing clothing that Dr. King once wore, I was standing next to the wagon that carried Dr. King’s casket. As I listened to his prerecorded voice speak the words “I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. So I’m happy, tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord” put me in a trance. I believe Dr. King knew he would die but he wasn’t phased by the threats made on his life he stood his ground, he drove out HATE with LOVE.
To know your history is to love your history and embrace your history. I am a black woman and that will never change, meaning from the inside or outside. Martin Luther King, Jr didn’t know me but he sacrificed his life for my freedom. He preached love and not hate. How can you hate someone based on the color of their skin? How can you deny someone a better education based on the color of their skin?
I often say I am glad that the Lord didn’t allow me to live in those days because I don’t think I could have went through what my ancestors endured. My ancestors were beaten and killed day in and day out for being black. Racism is wrong, Hatred is wrong!! I believe that Martin Luther King Jr., was predestined by God, meaning once his work on earth was done he was called home.
Parents teach your children about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, his Holiday shouldn’t be taken for granted or viewed as a free day because he lost his life for our freedom. LOVE not HATE those that treat you wrong. This was such an emotional visit for me but I am glad that I got to share it with my family.
Martin Luther King said “I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.” We still have a ways to go but his dream is coming to fruition.
Please check out my first book titled “My Natural Hair Journey.” You can purchase the book on Amazon.
I am happy to say that I have a written my first book titled “My Natural Hair Journey.” I wanted to share the stages that I went through as a natural and hopefully it will inspire those who feel like giving up and returning back to the creamy crack to keep pressing. Being natural is not easy but it’s definitely worth it. Below is an excerpt from my book.
Please click on the link and purchase “My Natural Hair Journey for $3.00 USD, I promise you won’t be disappointed. I would love for you to also leave a review, xoxo 😘.
My Natural Hair Journey
Growing up as a young child I never knew who my dad was, it was only when I got older that I found out; by this time it was too late because I didn’t need him or want him in my life. “Your mom didn’t want me in your life” he said. “Your mom kept you away from you” he said. A bunch of excuses that never told the truth only uncovered secrets. I faulted my mom because she kept him away and I faulted him because he stayed away.
Why wait until you’re on your death bed to want to meet me, were you trying to get your soul right before you spent eternity in hell? His family didn’t know I existed and I didn’t know they existed. After I found out who he was I visited him because even though I hated what he did that little girl inside of me missed her daddy. Why was I spending time with someone who didn’t care if I lived or died? I remember visiting him one day and asking for five dollars to get gas to be told ” I don’t have it!” I was so hurt!!
This dead beat never provided me with food, clothes, or shelter when I was young and to make matters worse he couldn’t even give the daughter he never did anything for five dollars! A couple years later the man I knew as my dad died. I wasn’t sad nor did I shed a tear. I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to attend the funeral because his oldest daughter didn’t want me there, I guess he told my half-sisters about me before he died.
I didn’t ponder on his death I kept living. I am glad to say I didn’t let my past define my future. Any man that doesn’t make an effort to be in their child’s life is a sorry excuse for a man. As a child never feel guilty because you didn’t do anything wrong, you were born with a purpose and whoever is not involved in your life is missing out on the best kept secret.
Growing up in a black home the most important day of the week is Soul Food Sunday! On Soul Food Sunday you go to church praise the Lord and come home to a table overflowing with Soul Food; fried chicken, cabbage, lima beans, collard greens, smothered porkchops, fried okra, candy yams, homemade macaroni and cheese, corn bread, fried ribs, yellow rice, white rice, catfish, chitterlings, ham, banana pudding, red velvet cake, and sweet potato pies.
Your mouth is watering but you can’t dig in until the designated person prays over the food which is the longest prayer when you’re hungry. That aroma is going up your nose and your stomach begins to growl louder and louder. When the prayer is complete everyone digs in.
You sit to the table enjoying big momma’s feast as she ask “baby you want some dessert?” You’re so stuffed but you don’t won’t to turn down the dessert because you’re just that greedy. Big momma goes into the kitchen and comes out with dessert.
You see the older men loosen their belts and the older ladies ask to be excused to go take off their stockings to make room for that sweet potato pie, red velvet cake, banana pudding, and german chocolate cake. Big momma just smiles because she knows she put her foot in that meal.
After the feast all the adults males go into the living room to catch the rest of the football game, the ladies help big momma in the kitchen cleaning up, and the kids go outside to play. It’s been a successful Soul Food Sunday until we all meet again at big mommas house.
Woke up this morning to 1k views on one of my YouTube videos! I couldn’t be more excited. I started this channel six months ago to share my natural hair journey and to know someone out there is watching what I do makes me overjoyed!!
This has truly gave me inspiration to go on and never quit doing something I love. On one of my blogs (Natural Hair Accessories) I received a sincere comment that truly touched me. Thanks to everyone who has supported me on this journey, xoxo!!