Faith over Fear

It was my wedding anniversary and I had heard from all of my children except one. It was not like my daughter to not call and I could feel an uneasy feeling in my gut. Just as those thoughts vanished I got a text that read “ma I love you.” A red flag went off so I called and the voice on the other end was terrifying. “Ma I am sick, but please don’t come get me until after my semester exams.” After a brief conversation I sat there still uneasy so I called back, but this time through FaceTime. What I saw would startle any parent, my daughter eyes were sunken in with dark circles, she had bags of vomit in her bed and she couldn’t move. At that moment I raced into action calling my friend to take that ride that seemed forever. At the time my daughter was attending school in Miami which was a two hour drive but seemed like the longest ride of my life. When I got there we rushed up to her room I didn’t know what to expect, all kind of thoughts raced through my head….we knocked and knocked then eventually the door cracked open, standing their being propped up by an umbrella was my baby girl.

I thought it was a virus, she had Nyquil on her bed and was telling me symptoms that sounded like the flu. As a mother I went into nurse mode, I would make her soup, give her meds she would be back to her old self in no time. She was finally resting and then morning came, when my daughter entered the room she was drenched in sweat, the look in her eyes told me she was scared I immediately called 911 which was the beginning of our faith over fear. Our local hospital thought it was her appendix, then they said it could be her gallbladder but after an X-ray it was determined to be a kidney stone so huge she would have to be transferred to another hospital. It wouldn’t pass it was lodged. The doctors decided they would do a procedure to drain urine from her kidneys and put in a nephrostomy tube and at that moment my daughter got sepsis, a life threatening complication from an infection. This infection had spread through my daughters body and she was immediately put in ICU after the nurse had called a code twice. Once the code was called fifteen medical professionals rushed in…. they plugged my daughter to all types of machines and gave me the look of despair.

I was angry and hurt that my daughter was going through this, she was only 19 years old!! I prayed and cried….cried and prayed. I sought the Lord and asked him to give me faith over fear. All the doctors said she wouldn’t make it and if she did she would not be the same healthy girl she was before. While in ICU she developed pneumonia, her organs began to shut down they had given up on her, and put her on a breathing machine…miraculously she released on April 29, 2017. We thought the nightmare was over but she still had to get surgery to remove the stone but when they went in to take it out she developed sepsis again.

This was not happening; had God forgotten about us and then I asked God to please increase my faith over the fear of losing my child and he did. He reminded me that he gave me this child and before she became mine she was his, he reminded me that all sickness is not unto death, he reminded me that my help comes from him not only when things are going good but during the bad as well. After being in three hospitals during a 5 month span my daughter was able to walk out of those hospitals. This little girl had to regain strength to walk again, she had a tube in her back and had to walk around with a nephrology bag, she had to get her lungs drained, she had pneumonia, countless fevers…. It has been a year since this ordeal and she is now closer to home attending another university. She is healthy, happy, and healed!! I am so thankful to God for showing me that even during the midst of trials he never left us.

My daughters tattoo ….

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Against the World

Waking up some mornings I feel as though it’s just me against the world. Everything that is supposed to go right goes wrong. That vicious cycle of life deals you a hard blow and no one, I mean no one comes to your rescue, instead of giving you a band-aid for your wound they pour salt on it. It took me awhile to realize that everyone that smiles in your face doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

It’s always the ones that you have known the longest that develops that deadly disease of jealousy and becomes your biggest hater instead of your biggest fan. If it’s me against the world so be it. I will stand alone, but when I become famous please no crowding.

Yes to Love

So he pops the question and you say YESSSSSSSSS without hesitation. You can’t wait to tell your parents so they can share the excitement with you, but to your surprise they are not happy. After months of pretending to like your boyfriend they really despise him and think he’s a no good loser. You are hurt, and your heart is torn into pieces. Elope, yes that’s the plan!!!!!!! Who are they to stand in the way of true love???????? Parents just don’t understand. You lock yourself up in your room pouting thinking life is cruel and then you hear a knock on the door it’s your parents. They still don’t like him but if he makes you happy they will put their feelings aside. After a year of planning the day is finally here, you have the perfect venue, the most beautiful dress  and you’re surrounded by your family and friends. You say I do; you’re happy, you have taken his last name and become his wife. Life is perfect…. a year later you have twins, he has the perfect job, you’re a stay at home mom. Then it happens, you catch him with another woman, he says it’s a friend…. you ponder his answer but he looks at her the way he use to look at you. Your parents were right, two babies later you are packing up your belongings headed back to a place you swore you would never come back to, if you had only listened to them.

Reality TV

Growing up I was always reminded of this one rule “What goes on in this house, stays in this house.” That rule definitely didn’t apply to some because if so reality television wouldn’t be so prevalent. I guess money talks because the stuff they show on television today is not filtered at all, people will expose everything that is meant to stay behind closed doors for the right price. Growing up as a teenager the most exciting thing for me to watch on television was soap operas but they were off limits for young teenage girls. I would hear my mom on the phone discussing Victor and Niki on the Young and Restless with her friend from the next street over, this to me was what a secret was supposed to be. When I got older I couldn’t wait to watch the soaps but as I was watching I thought to myself um… is this what my momma couldn’t wait to watch at 12:30 pm… Things were discreet back then but now no holds are barred and nothing is off limits. 

#authordesignedbygod

Lately I have been beating myself up,  thinking that my books are not good enough, feeling defeated without even putting up a fight. I have let people pull me out of my character by posting subliminal posts and messages on Facebook ranting about their willingness to be unsupportive. Today I was on Google and I came across a quote by Tyler Perry and then it hit me; I shouldn’t be worried about whose not supporting me as long as I’m doing what I love, as long as I continue to perfect my craft and keep the faith God will do the rest. I have made up in my mind that I will hold on and not give up, because the best is yet to come!!

#authordesignedbygod

Prayer

I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with my dream job, I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with a husband , I use to pray every night asking God to watch over my girls,  I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with a son; every night I prayed this “asking” prayer. Fast forward to 2017 and I find myself not praying like I use to , what happened to my prayerful spirit? I will tell you what happened I got the blessings and forgot the blessor. Everything I asked God for he gave it to me, but everything I said I would do in return for those blessings I didn’t do. I failed on my end, but God still did everything I asked him for and more. I was selfish and undeserving but God’s grace and mercy was sufficient. Lessons were learned and I’m now back praying and thanking God that  his love towards me never wavered and that he gave me another chance to get it right. 

Stop Selling Yourself Short

The most important part of this blog is in the quotation marks, “Stop Selling Yourself Short.”  Some of us do this all the time because we don’t want to step on anyone’s toes; you work hard to get a new job, and make more money but you turn it down because someone is in their feelings over a blessing that God gave you. Stop letting people determine your happiness, stop letting people back you into a corner, stop letting people make you feel that you’re not good enough. The most part of this blog is in the quotation marks, “Stop Selling Yourself Short.”

Jumping In

When I hear the term “Jump In” I think of water, and then the stereotype pops in my head that black people cant swim, how cliche. Truth be told I can’t swim but it’s not because I’m black it’s because I never allowed myself to learn how to swim, which brings my topic into play. I could have gotten swimming lessons but I was too proud and let pride get in the way; what forty year old have you seen in the kiddies pool? The brain is a powerful weapon if not careful you will destroy your own hopes and dreams. My pride allowed me to overthink the situation before I even had the chance to experience it, it’s time to rid yourself of negativity. Some of you are contemplating something that could be life changing but you’re afraid of jumping in, afraid of failure. I’m here to tell you that your biggest opprunity is on the other side of fear!! Don’t let age, health, or finances stop you from doing something that you have always had in your heart to do, you are doing a disservice to yourself if you allow your thoughts to doubt your new beginning before you even start. You can do it, it can be done. If I want to swim I am going to do it, if I want to go back to college I am going to do it, if I want to pursue another career I am going to do it. Jump in knowing that you control your destiny and there is always room for growth

                 

Kickstand Relationships 

For those who own  a bike you know the only way you can get your bike to stand is by using a “kickstand” the purpose of the stand is to hold the bike upright to prevent it from falling. I will use that term metaphorically  in my short blog because it makes the most sense when I discuss standing relationships. If you’ve never had problems in your relationship this blog is not for you, but if you have read on. Some of you are in desperate need of a “kickstand” relationship; someone to hold you up and be there when the chips are down, someone to share the finances when you’re struggling to stay afloat, someone to lean on, so you don’t fall. Everyone needs a “kickstand” a good sturdy one that will hold the weight of their relationship and keep it from falling to pieces.