Consult God

Something I will never do again is leave my job without having another one to go to. I let the devil convince me to walk off my job in 2006, one disagreement with my boss and I was out. Everyone was like “girl I wouldn’t put up with that,” but no one followed behind me they weren’t foolish enough to leave their 9-5.

The first month I was good and then the money ran out. Where were my boosters? Where was the crew that told me they wouldn’t put up with it? Bills began to pile up, and the fridge became empty. I couldn’t go back and beg for my job they had already hired someone, thought I was irreplaceable!! I cried every night asking God to open a door for me. I was so angry with myself, why did I walk off that job without consulting God?

I remember searching for jobs in newspapers and online I was desperate I had two daughters that I had to provide for. One day I was sitting outside and the Lord told me that he would bless me with a job, but I would have to travel. The next morning I got up and searched online trying to find a job that would match my criteria.

I found one, but it was a 45 minute drive one way. I had made up my mind to not even consider this job; gas, wear and tear on my vehicle…this was a big N to the O!

I called my Pastor and he told me to pray on it and I did. The next week the job was still posted and a urgency came upon me. I jumped in my car and drove 15 minutes to the Workforce Center. I met with a nice lady who called the owner of the company and a interview was scheduled.

I was so nervous I didn’t know what to expect! When I met with the Vice-President of the company she told me I was one of her top prospects and she would like to schedule a second interview with me, but this time another individual who worked for the company would sit in.

I couldn’t sleep that night my mind was all over the place, I kept going back and forth to the bathroom my nerves were overpowering my body. Two interviews later I was hired as the receptionist, and after I received my degree six months later I was promoted to comptroller. I don’t recommend anyone to walk off their job, but if I hadn’t left my old job I wouldn’t have grown mentally, physically, or spiritually.

I am thankful for the Tripp’s! They offered me a job when I didn’t think I would ever get back on my feet. Even though I am no longer with the company we still remain friends to this day and I am thankful that through my job at Tripp Electric Motors I was elevated to the next level of my life. Sometimes we don’t know why things happen and God never tells us why but when we look back we understand it was for our GOOD!!

Revelation 3:8 King James Version (KJV)

I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

Advertisements

Faith over Fear

It was my wedding anniversary and I had heard from all of my children except one. It was not like my daughter to not call and I could feel an uneasy feeling in my gut. Just as those thoughts vanished I got a text that read “ma I love you.” A red flag went off so I called and the voice on the other end was terrifying. “Ma I am sick, but please don’t come get me until after my semester exams.” After a brief conversation I sat there still uneasy so I called back, but this time through FaceTime. What I saw would startle any parent, my daughter eyes were sunken in with dark circles, she had bags of vomit in her bed and she couldn’t move. At that moment I raced into action calling my friend to take that ride that seemed forever. At the time my daughter was attending school in Miami which was a two hour drive but seemed like the longest ride of my life. When I got there we rushed up to her room I didn’t know what to expect, all kind of thoughts raced through my head….we knocked and knocked then eventually the door cracked open, standing their being propped up by an umbrella was my baby girl.

I thought it was a virus, she had Nyquil on her bed and was telling me symptoms that sounded like the flu. As a mother I went into nurse mode, I would make her soup, give her meds she would be back to her old self in no time. She was finally resting and then morning came, when my daughter entered the room she was drenched in sweat, the look in her eyes told me she was scared I immediately called 911 which was the beginning of our faith over fear. Our local hospital thought it was her appendix, then they said it could be her gallbladder but after an X-ray it was determined to be a kidney stone so huge she would have to be transferred to another hospital. It wouldn’t pass it was lodged. The doctors decided they would do a procedure to drain urine from her kidneys and put in a nephrostomy tube and at that moment my daughter got sepsis, a life threatening complication from an infection. This infection had spread through my daughters body and she was immediately put in ICU after the nurse had called a code twice. Once the code was called fifteen medical professionals rushed in…. they plugged my daughter to all types of machines and gave me the look of despair.

I was angry and hurt that my daughter was going through this, she was only 19 years old!! I prayed and cried….cried and prayed. I sought the Lord and asked him to give me faith over fear. All the doctors said she wouldn’t make it and if she did she would not be the same healthy girl she was before. While in ICU she developed pneumonia, her organs began to shut down they had given up on her, and put her on a breathing machine…miraculously she released on April 29, 2017. We thought the nightmare was over but she still had to get surgery to remove the stone but when they went in to take it out she developed sepsis again.

This was not happening; had God forgotten about us and then I asked God to please increase my faith over the fear of losing my child and he did. He reminded me that he gave me this child and before she became mine she was his, he reminded me that all sickness is not unto death, he reminded me that my help comes from him not only when things are going good but during the bad as well. After being in three hospitals during a 5 month span my daughter was able to walk out of those hospitals. This little girl had to regain strength to walk again, she had a tube in her back and had to walk around with a nephrology bag, she had to get her lungs drained, she had pneumonia, countless fevers…. It has been a year since this ordeal and she is now closer to home attending another university. She is healthy, happy, and healed!! I am so thankful to God for showing me that even during the midst of trials he never left us.

My daughters tattoo ….

Letter to my Past

Dear Past,

I’m not mad at you for the hardships I have endured throughout the years I’m actually thankful for the lessons. Everything that was meant to tear me down actually built me up. I’m not bitter anymore; for those that used and abused me you have been forgiven, holding on to hate only imprisoned me so I have taken those shackles off. It took me awhile to find my self worth but I did it. Every obstacle you threw in my direction I overcame. If only that young girl in the pic knew how much love and support she had surrounding her she wouldn’t have been so worried about her future.

Sincerely,

Sabrina

Big Bad Wolf

They want to voice their opinion but don’t want anyone to know who they are. Mysterious yet intriguing, one who hides their identity from social media websites but always have so much to say. Commenting on everything that is public, sometimes being very rude, but when you go to their profile to see the face behind the comment you find a flower or a quote where their picture should be.  I get it, the world we live in makes one want to hide their identity, but this shouldn’t be an option for cowards who sit behind a computer screen and type words that they wouldn’t normally say to anyone’s face. I’ve labeled these people the “big bad wolf” huffing and puffing blowing nothing down.  They see you and run the other way, you don’t know who they are but they know you. Once you block them they catfish, meaning they assume another identity with a different flower and quote because your posts are obviously worth following. 

Comfort Zone

This has been the most disappointing day of my life but I stand strong because I put my trust in God not in man. You see when God takes you out of your comfort zone it’s to help you grow not to see you fail. Faith is not needed when things are going perfect, but when things around you are crumbling. No matter how much I dislike it, I have to grow to love it because some obstacles you just can’t go around you have to go through. 

One door closes, then another one and another one! My head is spinning tears are streaming down my face trying to figure out, how can so much chaos happen in a day or what did I do to deserve it. The enemy snickers thinking this is my fate but my heart smiles because trouble don’t last always. What is meant for my bad will ultimately be for my good. 

I say you couldn’t possibly walk a day in my shoes and you would reply you couldn’t possibly walk a day in mine, both statements are true because we all have battles to fight and they are ours solely to win.  At the end of the day I gotta keep pushing through and so do you right out of our comfort zone!!

#authordesignedbygod

Lately I have been beating myself up,  thinking that my books are not good enough, feeling defeated without even putting up a fight. I have let people pull me out of my character by posting subliminal posts and messages on Facebook ranting about their willingness to be unsupportive. Today I was on Google and I came across a quote by Tyler Perry and then it hit me; I shouldn’t be worried about whose not supporting me as long as I’m doing what I love, as long as I continue to perfect my craft and keep the faith God will do the rest. I have made up in my mind that I will hold on and not give up, because the best is yet to come!!

#authordesignedbygod

Prayer

I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with my dream job, I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with a husband , I use to pray every night asking God to watch over my girls,  I use to pray every night asking God to bless me with a son; every night I prayed this “asking” prayer. Fast forward to 2017 and I find myself not praying like I use to , what happened to my prayerful spirit? I will tell you what happened I got the blessings and forgot the blessor. Everything I asked God for he gave it to me, but everything I said I would do in return for those blessings I didn’t do. I failed on my end, but God still did everything I asked him for and more. I was selfish and undeserving but God’s grace and mercy was sufficient. Lessons were learned and I’m now back praying and thanking God that  his love towards me never wavered and that he gave me another chance to get it right. 

Have you Ever

🎼 Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry, have you ever needed something so bad you can’t sleep at night – Brandy  

As a young woman growing up in the 90’s you would take songs that were relatable to the situations in your life and make them your anthem. I remember singing this song until I would fall asleep at night thinking I couldn’t go on without that special someone. I would blast my walkman with my headphones glued to my ears singing so loudly wishing he could hear me, wishing he could hear the hurt in my voice. 

I truly thought I was hurt by him not loving me, I truly thought I couldn’t go on, but as I grew older I realized the hurt that I felt didn’t come from him not loving me, but from me not loving myself. The love we shared was superficial; puppy love, crush love. 

One night my anthem was blasting and then I uttered “have you ever needed something so bad” and then tears began to flow; I had sung that particular verse several times relating it to that lost love that was once in my life, but this time I related it to my father who had abandoned me at birth, I  needed and wanted a relationship with him so badly. 

At that particular moment in time an overwhelming feeling came upon me and then it hit me like a ton of bricks,  all of those years without him, trying to fill a void of not having him  in my life with a boy that was only capable of loving the first woman he had ever known, his mother. I was actually using him, he was  using me, we were using each other. We both needed something from one another; affection which consisted of short kisses on the lip  that made you get butterflies in your stomach, conversations that would last on the phone until our momma made us hang up. It didn’t make it right,  but it was right in our eyes. 

Now that I know what love truly is I am thankful to have it in my life, it’s not superficial but real. Wondering did my dad ever love me, wondering did he ever have real love for my mom, just wondering. Through all my heartaches I have learned that in order to love anyone, you must first fall in love with yourself and be true to the feelings in your heart; hopefully, just hopefully my dad loved himself enough to love me. 

Afro-nique

As I step out of the shadow of my ancestors who were taunted for their hair texture, I smile at the hatred of those that mock a generation of African Queens.  Constantly called names that put down their beauty, did they not see the crown on their heads. Let me introduce myself I’m Afro-Nique, given the birth name of Sabrina to kill the stereotype of those who were named Shaquanda and Lawanda, you will be surprised how far a “GOOD” name will get you. I wear the scars of those that paved the way for my nose, my lips, my hips, for they are attached to my heritage, deeply woven by nooses that are now loosened, to chains that have been broken, to set me free. You think you know me but the pain is skin deep. I hold no grudges I rise above all that was meant to keep me down. I’m Afro-nique, not born to banded, branded, or disenchanted, but born to be ME!!

https://youtu.be/QLLSwiMV93o

Stop Selling Yourself Short

The most important part of this blog is in the quotation marks, “Stop Selling Yourself Short.”  Some of us do this all the time because we don’t want to step on anyone’s toes; you work hard to get a new job, and make more money but you turn it down because someone is in their feelings over a blessing that God gave you. Stop letting people determine your happiness, stop letting people back you into a corner, stop letting people make you feel that you’re not good enough. The most part of this blog is in the quotation marks, “Stop Selling Yourself Short.”