Have you ever wished for a different life?

Have you ever questioned your existence?

Have you?

Have you ever felt like a failure?

Have you ever given up? 

Have you?

Have you ever failed God?

Have you ever been weak in your faith?

Have you?

I have wished for a different life.

I have questioned my existence.

I have felt like a failure.

I have given up.

I have failed God.

I have been weak in my faith. 

I am human are you? 


My Son’s Natural Hair

As a parent we should never try to force our lifestyle on our children. I have always believed we as parents should guide them in the right way, discipline them when their wrong, and listen to them when they speak.

My son was born with naturally curly hair and even though I have cut it off twice he told me that he wanted to grow out his hair and never get it cut again. I agreed and even though it was a struggle some times to pick through it I kept doing my job as his mommy to make sure his hair looked nice. 

It was surprising to me when he said he wanted to get his haircut I didn’t ask why he changed his mind I just called up his barber and scheduled an appointment.

I am very proud of my son, not because he got a haircut but because he is developing his own identity and not being afraid to be himself in a world that wants you to fit in instead of standing out. 

As my baby got in the chair he said “mommy there is no looking back.” I couldn’t believe I had tears in my eyes I was so full of emotion that my baby was growing up on me.

Dancing in the Rain 

The saying “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain” rings very true. 

In the last couple of months my faith has been tested, I wanted to give up and almost gave up but I held on.

I have had friends turn their backs on me, family disappear in time of need, but people I thought were the enemy came to the rescue. 

I couldn’t wait for the storm to pass but I learned not to focus on the lightning or thunder but the calming rain.

Sometimes we lose focus during the difficult times in our life but if we focus on the good we will get through it by learning to dance in the rain. 

I Must Not Let It Affect Me

I just want to get away, get away from everyone that is stressing me out with their their health issues, their financial woes, and their relationship problems. How did I become  their doctor, their financial planner, or their marriage counselor? 

I am learning more and more each day that people will put all their life discrepancies on you if you allow them. You’re walking around worried about what the doctor told them, do they have enough money in the bank to pay their bills, or will their marriage outlast the latest blowup they had the night before. 

Key words in all of this  hoopla is they, them, their, not one time was it mine. If you are one that let other people problems affect you then you need to let it go. Their problems weren’t ours to begin with. 

Don’t let their health affect your health, don’t let their bank account affect your bank account, don’t let their relationship affect your relationship. 

Any true friend or family member wouldn’t put you in any situation where it becomes your situation, learn to not let anything concerning others affect you. I am a witness I have struggled with trying to help others and then becoming affected, but I now drive up to the window of life carefully and if it doesn’t concern me I reverse out of it. 

My Hair is Falling Out

Saturday was supposed to be a relaxing day for me until I got that dreaded  phone call from my mom saying “Brina come quick, my hair is falling out!” I almost choked on my chips and tripped over my feet as I ran to my moms house which is right next door, but it felt like an eternity to get there. 

When I finally stepped inside my mom’s house she was in the bathroom her head was covered in black hair dye and she had patches of her hair in the sink. I had to think quickly I was so nervous my knees were buckling. My mom was crying and I couldn’t make out any words she was saying. Finally I had to take control of the situation and I yelled out “mom calm down, what did you do to your hair?” Between crying and muttering out the words she said “I, I, permed my hair then dyed it and my hair started falling out!” I was dumbfounded by what she  said so I asked her to repeat that sentence again. My mom then said very softly still crying non-stop “I, I, permed my hair then dyed it and my hair started to fall out!” I burst out laughing uncontrollably!! I know bad daughter, but my mom is a former hairdresser and knows better. 

I quickly rinsed out the remaining dye and quickly dashed to the kitchen to get a raw egg from the fridge, believe it or not the protein in the egg is good for breakage. The egg magically did the trick; well two eggs that is. I truly think this was a lesson learned for my mom. She will never ever perm her hair and dye it again! She is now wearing wigs for a month or two until her hair grows back and counting her lucky stars that she’s not completely bald. Just say she is now team natural, I’m not happy that this happened but I’m happy she’s now transitioning to become a natural. 


You’re not  Black Enough 

Your skin is not black enough she said.  You don’t speak like us she said. You don’t dress like us she said. You think you’re better than us she said.

Who is US I asked? 

You know us she said, black people she said. 

How is my skin not black enough I asked? How do I speak I asked? What’s wrong with the clothes I wear I asked? How do I think I’m better I asked? 

Your skin is  brown not black she said, you speak proper not slang she said, you dress white she said, you don’t hang with your own kind she said.

I am African American I said. I speak English I said. I dress professional I said. I love all races I said. 

You must be on welfare huh. Your husband a drug dealer huh. You got hooked on phonics huh. 

Before you judge a person based on their skin color get to know them I said. Every black woman is not on welfare I said. Not every black man is a drug dealer I said. Respect your race I said. Learn to look beyond skin color I said. It costs nothing to educate yourself I said. 

She said nothing 


Life Struggles 

“When life hands you lemons; you make lemonade,” have you actually made lemonade out of lemons when problems came into your life? I don’t believe you did and that quote was probably the furthest thing from your mind. The only thing you wanted to make was your problems disappear. If only I could have a genie in a bottle that would be at my beckon call I would be the happiest woman in the world, but we live in the real world and money doesn’t grow on trees nor do we have perfect lives. I truly believe we gain strength from obstacles in our life. Strength helps us to stand when we feel like falling, go on when we feel like throwing in the towel, stength helps us to grow. Everyday I tell myself to hold on and never let go no matter what I face because it has to get better. I know one day I will be able to reflect on my trials and quote that saying with assurance knowing deep in my heart the lemon may be bitter during the test but after the storm the victory will be sweet.