Scared to question the process because I’m unsure of the purpose. I have been put in positions that I didn’t think I was qualified for, I did the job because everyone had confidence in me but me!! My “WILL” to succeed kept me from being a failure even though I wanted to give up on many occasions; I pushed through. Why is it that others can see potential in me and I don’t see it in myself? At that crossroads of life I have to figure out am I just settling and if so who am I settling for, me or them.
As I sit here on the edge of my couch I wish this storm on no one, no one deserves this fear of uncertainty, no one knows heartbreak until they tell you to evacuate your home. Why wasn’t this a fun filled weekend, instead of one filled with anxiety? Why did Hurricane Irma have to come this way? I am holding on to my FAITH because that is all I have left!! I hate this time of the year when hurricane season approaches. What a devastating and awful way to lose your life, to be taken by the wind or even the rain. So much emphasis on the “Herbert Hoover Dike” will it withstand the storm??? My heart truly goes out to those affected by Katrina, Sandy, and Harvey!! You never know what people actually go through during a storm unless you, yourself are put in that situation.
Who am I to compare myself with those that went through those terrible storms? I haven’t lost materials or loved ones, so who I am to complain? I hate watching the news during these times but I have to keep myself in the loop, some broadcasters make me sick to my stomach, to think the word “catastrophe” is thrown around so loosely, sometimes I think they want something to happen to get that story!! They have no idea how you feel, these type of news reporters are inhuman at times. As I try to calm down I think to myself the joys of a Florida resident, moving from shelter to shelter. I’m still in shock, this writing is starting to make things settle in this tiny brain of mine. As I double check my Hurricane Irma supply list it reads; flashlight check, batteries check, medicine check, water check, vienna sausages check, peanut butter crackers check, PRAYERS OF THE RIGHTEOUS check, I literally want to scream!!! The reality is that we are under a hurricane watch, the governor said get out!!
At the end of the day just know why I stayed behind, my mother wouldn’t leave. Older people are stubborn at times and there is nothing you can do to make them budge even a bulldozer would fail. What kind of daughter would I be if I was to leave my elderly mother behind, not a good daughter. Patiently I await for this storm to leave Florida alone and crawl back into the sea, only then will I shout out “we made it, we survived a storm that the news media labeled Catastrophic by the GRACE OF GOD!!”
As I sit here worried and wondering my child’s whereabouts at 3 o’clock in the morning I fall on my knees asking you “God” to shield and protect him. That bible that I placed on his dashboard is still in the same spot so I know it’s never been read, that church suit that I bought him for Sunday service sits in the closet displaying a price tag so I know it’s never been worn. I prayed for him, took him to church every Sunday and he still went astray. I refuse to let the streets have my child, I refuse to give up on him, I refuse to let him be taken from me at an early age, I just refuse.
Time and time again I prayed to you, asking you to spare him but now he’s gone. I didn’t raise him to be that way. All his friends came to the funeral to bid him farewell wearing those ignorant colors, “when did colors start defining you Tyrone, boy wake up and answer me!” I can’t be mad at you God, even though the pain I feel won’t let me sleep at night, I can’t be mad at you.
I was a praying mother who didn’t give up on her son, he chose the streets that cost him his life. I never knew he was in a gang, I never knew he sold drugs, I never knew he robbed people, or was I too blind to see it.
– A Mothers Prayer
I have had my share of shortcomings but those failures didn’t stop me from becoming the woman I am today, if anything those disappointments in my life made me stronger. I have loved and lost, been broken-hearted, jobless, and penniless. I rose above it all, I am resilient, everything that was meant to break me down actually built me up. I still go through, but these trials only make me stronger. I will “never” give anyone control over my life, or make me feel less human and think that’s “love.” Whether you have been in a abusive relationship or currently in one, don’t stay for the kids, or how good you look in the public eyes, free yourself by loving yourself enough to get out. I am thankful for a praying mother, protective brothers, a loving husband, and my beautiful children who have encouraged me to push through and become the strong willed person I am today!!
We go from Heroes to She-Roes in the matter of seconds; nurses to doctors, secretaries to bosses. Everything changes in the blink of an eye and the woman is called upon to do it all.
It’s that darn rib again, huh? Oh Adam you couldn’t risk the woman’s authority and now we all suffer for your weakness.
Women are built to withstand downpours of hurt, pain, sorrow, and misery. We bear the scars that so easily change our smiles to frowns and create tears that flow endlessly.
Never letting anyone see our hurt, covering up our emotions with a look of complete happiness.
We go from Heroes to She-Roes in the matter of seconds……
I was born into this world, raised in a society that had already given up on me; nurtured by my mother abandoned by my father, given the last name of my grandfather who raised me. Growing up hearing the words you’ll never be anyone to becoming someone; a teacher, author, and a blogger but yet the naysayers are silent. Circumstances never changed me, just rearranged my direction of life. I lost a lot of friends along the way, or so I thought, but that was just God’s way of moving distractions from my life. This is just the beginning of my come up, this is just the beginning of the many blessings God has in store for me, this is just the beginning of my season. I have more books to write, more blogs to post, and more lessons to teach, this is just the beginning!!
What good is a bible in your car or over your bed reciting verses that you have never read, only hearing them on Sunday’s from what the Pastor said. Memorizing lines from sermons or quotes, playing around on Sundays like it’s a joke, unfortunately those are the ones who do the most. Can’t shake your hand or smile in your face but quick to sing “Amazing Grace.” I’m just being Brina giving the spoken word for what it’s worth, Christian life is not easy but it’s full of worth. Walking a lie but not living the life….no more spoken words for me today just observing those that claim the life but don’t live the life.