You took my innocence, you took my innocence, screaming you took my innocence you coward! I didn’t ask for your hands to touch my skin, I didn’t ask for your hands to touch my skin! No one deserves to be raped, no one deserves to be raped, no one! For years I lived in a mental prison blaming myself for something you did afraid to tell anyone so ashamed. I remember being in relationships but not feeling loved and not being able to love back. Always pushing those who truly loved me away ending up alone. I created a brick wall, this was my way of not allowing anyone to hurt me like you hurt me.
I didn’t want to date anyone that reminded me of you so I dated outside my race. For years I sheltered my children afraid for them, knowing someone out there could do to them what you did to me. Yes I sheltered my children, sometimes smothering them, but this was my way of keeping them safe. I could never forgive myself if something like this happened to my children . As years passed I found solace in writing, I was able to express on paper what I couldn’t speak about, it helped me to overcome what you did to me so many years ago. I broke out of the mental prison I was in by forgiving you. I overcame your hold, I overcame the guilt I felt for years, I was able to love again, I was able to do all the things you thought I couldn’t do. I realized I was not to blame, I was never guilty of your actions.
I wrote this blog with tears falling from my eyes because I felt like I was reliving that moment again, but this time with no sadness but joy because I survived to tell my story hoping it helps someone else who has went through abuse. Please, please, please, realize as a victim you are not to blame so never feel guilty! When you forgive you release the hold that individual has over your life. My favorite poem is “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by Maya Angelou. This poem helped me tremendously I became victorious and didn’t let the circumstances around me take control of my life. I am so thankful that I am free from his hold, no longer bound by his actions, I AM FREE!!