Secret Child

Growing up as a young child I never knew who my dad was, it was only when I got older that I found out; by this time it was too late because I didn’t need him or want him in my life. “Your mom didn’t want me in your life” he said. “Your mom kept you away from you” he said. A bunch of excuses that never told the truth only uncovered secrets. I faulted my mom because she kept him away and I faulted him because he stayed away. 


Why wait until you’re on your death bed to want to meet me, were you trying to get your soul right before you spent eternity in hell?  His family didn’t know I existed and I didn’t know they existed. After I found out who he was I visited him because even though I hated what he did that little girl inside of me missed her daddy. Why was I spending time with someone who didn’t care if I lived or died? I remember visiting him one day and asking for five dollars to get gas to be told ” I don’t have it!” I was so hurt!! 


This dead beat never provided me with food, clothes, or shelter when I was young and to make matters worse he couldn’t even give the daughter he never did anything for five dollars! A couple years later the man I knew as my dad died. I wasn’t sad nor did I shed a tear. I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to attend the funeral because his oldest daughter didn’t want me there, I guess he told my half-sisters about me before he died. 

I didn’t ponder on his death I kept living. I am glad to say I didn’t let my past define my future. Any man that doesn’t make an effort to be in their child’s life is a sorry excuse for a man. As a child never feel guilty because you didn’t do anything wrong, you were born with a purpose and whoever is not involved in your life is missing out on the best kept secret. 

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Author: Sabrina Gonzalez

#BLOGGER

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